Jaxon’s grin left as quickly as it came.
“Have you ever thought that maybe it’s not me you love, but the freedom from being trapped in a situation you couldn’t control?”
She interlaced her fingers with his. “Jaxon, never doubt my love for you,” she said stopping. “You’re not having second thoughts?”
“No.”
21
Jaxon stood outside Charlie’s bedroom door clad in a hastily thrown on pair of breeches and a half-buttoned shirt. The cries she made when having a nightmare, filtered out into the corridor. He debated with himself whether to go in. She suffered these nightmares all her life and had been fine, but hearing her in distress bothered him more than he could stand. Clear as a bell, he heard her shouting for her mother. He put his hand on the doorknob. If it turned, he decided, he would go in. Her scream of No! prompted him to turn the knob. It opened without resistance. Jaxon padded unevenly to her bedside. The light from the moon peeked in between partially separated curtains and a lick of golden flames from small fire on the grate in the hearth dimly lit the room.
“Charlie, baby.” He reached out and stroked her hair. “Charlie, wake up, baby.”
She woke up with a start and cussed.
With any other woman, he would have been shocked, but it was a bit endearing when she blasphemed. “Anyone tell you, you swear like a sailor?”
“What are you doing here?” she asked groggily. “Oh, I was having another dream. Did I wake you?”
“No.” He had been lying awake in bed thinking of her and worrying about what Grayson would find. “Do you have these dreams every time you talk about that day?”
She pushed herself into a sitting position and rubbed her face. “No. I think about the fire nearly every day. When I was going to sleep, it occurred to me, if the newspaper had a story about the fire, my father might have read it. What if they knew it was my fault and he read that?”
Jaxon sat on the edge of the bed, took her in his arms and held her.
“I used to wonder if he knew. It would explain a lot.”
“Like what?” he asked placing his lips against her forehead.
Charlie shrugged and seemed hesitant to tell him. “He knew one of the cabin boys used to beat me up when I first came aboard, but he never did anything to stop it. Later, he said he was trying to make me tough and learn to defend myself. But when I did fight back, he took his strop to me. Not once did he as much as cuff Zeb.”
“Surely, you’re joking.”
“Not a bit. But I suppose it worked. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I took my knife and I tried to stab him. German George stopped me. That boy was twice my size and the only ones who ever helped me were the crew.”
“Twice your size and beating up a girl.”
“Zeb didn’t know that.”
He held her away from his chest for a minute. “But your father did. He could dress you in breeches and make you do a man’s day of work, but that in no way makes you anything, but what you are.”
What kind of man would let his daughter get beaten up by a boy twice her size? The bastard probably did know she started the fire and took perverse pleasure out of seeing her bruises. Jaxon stroked her cheek. “I just can’t imagine what your childhood was like.”
“You make it sound worse than it really was. You never got bullied by an older boy?”
“There was safely being a twin with another brother and sister close to being the same age. We may not have gotten along with each other all the time, but we banded together when someone from outside the family threatened us.”
She smiled and leaned against his chest. “Do you think Daniel and Grayson will ever stop seeing me as a threat?”
“They will if they know what’s good for them.”
“Grayson wouldn’t make anything up to keep us apart, would he?”
A moment passed before Jaxon spoke. “No. He believes in logic and evidence. He’s very thorough. When he comes back, he’ll know the truth and he’ll let that determine his course of action.”
“That’s a relief.” Charlie closed her eyes. “Hmm, I could sleep right here in your arms all night.”
“Oh, baby, I wish I could stay and hold you until morning,” Jaxon murmured. “But I know if I stay, I’m not going to be able to resist taking you.”
Charlie bit her lip. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. In truth she was more than a little apprehensive about making love. In the past three years, she had several conversations with the bar wenches she paid to make her crew think she was a man of healthy appetite. She was more than confused about whether the sex act was something that a woman merely endured or actually enjoyed. She had asked so many questions of so many women and there was certainly no consensus. None of the women really liked what they did and admitted they rarely or never got enjoyment when they were working, but sometimes, if they were with someone special, they liked it.